Pawn in your palm

They say you’re an ass, to forget you
And I know they’re probably right
But my heart can’t seem to see
Your crime in black and white
It’s searching for excuses
To keep you in my life
Plucking at sanguine moments
Among years of mental strife
I used to know what I would stand for
I used to be so sure
But you fixed me of my cleverness
Loving you, that was the cure
And now I’m but a child
Clinging to your arm
Needing you to love me
A pawn upon your palm.

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I’m clinging tightly to you
But you just keep slipping through
They say that you are dying
And I don’t know what to do
I want to keep you by me
I’m fighting for you to live
But every cell in you is breaking
And you have nothing left to give
It kills me to watch you suffer
I yearn to take your place
I dream of spiriting you far away
To a kinder, safer place
But alas, this world is cruel
And I can only watch you die
Crawl under your bedsheets
And hold you till our last goodbye.

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Look harder

The tears are streaming down my heart
As I’m trying to tell you of my pain
But I can see from your grinning face
My efforts are in vain
You fell in love with a happy girl
And you can’t see past the smile
You can’t feel sorrow build inside
Unhappy is not your style
So today I feel so lonely
I’m gripped with terrible pain
And yet you are oblivious
You can’t even tell I’m not the same
You’re blinded by your vision
Of a gleeful poster child
Promoting fun and laughter
Though inside I feel so wild
I don’t know why it happens
Or why I can’t escape
But I need a loving hand
To pull me from this place
Please reach out and save me
Please look past the smile
I’m begging you, look harder
Please, just for a while?

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There’s a hole in my head
Though my heart is full
And it overflows under my eyelids
Even as my face is still
I’m terrified because I love you
And I never want to let you go
But you bring me such heartache
I have never felt so low
Why would you hurt me
In this way again?
Why would you push me
Back into this pain?
Haven’t I suffered
Enough from loving you?
Must I continue to suffer
After you say you love me too?
I knew that there’d be problems
But this particular one
Was not something I expected
From the one I called The One
I thought that we were past the hump
I thought we’d be okay
I thought you’d treasure what we had
In lieu of yesterday
But alas, you were not finished
With my tattered heart
I suppose you won’t be satisfied
Until it’s ripped apart
I’ve been such a foolish lover
I thought it meant as much to you
You’ve cheated me of my fairytale
The ball and the pumpkin too
Gone are my high ideals of love
Gone are my naïve dreams
You’ve left me a broken creature
Whose eyes no longer gleam.

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Euphoric melody

Just me and the music, dancing together
Tip-toeing and skipping, now light as a feather
We’re waltzing and gliding and floating together
Just me and the music, this moment, forever
Now spinning and lifting, now leaping, now sliding
Building and building, now dropping and diving
Just me and the music, this melody of mine
A rhythm so perfect, a rhythm to stop time.

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I’ve only known vicious anger
I’ve only felt hard kicks
So to feel your arms around me
Makes me lose my wits
What is this surging feeling?
Is it the one that they call love?
Is this what it means
To want to kiss instead of shove?
I’m quivering with excitement
I hardly know what to do
How is it that what I’ve sought for so long
Flows so readily from you?

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Tonight I walk away with tear-filled eyes
Because for 10 long years, I believed a lie
I thought you were a different man
And I was proud to hold your hand
And travel with you to build a new world
You’d beam with pride, say ‘That’s my girl’
But tonight those words took a different tone
A tone that chilled me to the bone
My trusted advisor, my mentor, my friend
Decided I had more to lend
And sought out new space inside my heart
Elbowing through to the sheltered part
I just wanted to talk the night away
And build a better world with you each day
But now things will never be the same
Since you decided to play that game
Since you cast the dice in the air
Tossed them up without a care
And they fell like bullets and struck my heart
No, I’m not your girl, I’m not your tart
I’ve lost a friend, I’m torn apart
And it’s too late now to mend my heart
Oh why’d you say the words you did?
If you could put them back and close the lid
Alas, you can’t undo the past
So from tonight, my heart will bear a cast.

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